Co-regulation throughout the lifespan
Co-regulation is an incredible design. It’s the way we use others around us to bring our nervous system back into balance. Think about it; when you walk into a room with another person or a group of people, you can likely sense the overall energy each person is bringing to the table. Someone might come off as being very calming and open and centered, while another person might be a big ball of energy maybe with some anxiety or tension or pressured speech or movements. But what’s actually communicating this energy?
Our mind and body are able to pick up on the subtle (or sometimes not-so-subtle) cues of those around us. This could include posture, facial expressions, speech patterns and volume, tension in their fascia, temperature of their skin, their breathing patterns, and so much more.
Let’s think about infants to begin with. A baby attunes to the biorhythms (those subtle cues we just talked about) of their primary caregiver and the environment around them. If mom (assuming the primary caregiver role) is tense and dysregulated, the infant naturally picks up on these cues and will mirror this state. If you think about it in terms of the “fight, flight or freeze” response, some babies will tend toward fight (picture the fussy baby that is hard to settle and soothe) or freeze which would look like shutting down, not very responsive, etc. But if the mother is regulated, the baby will pick up on those cues. The baby might do this through mirroring (mom and baby smiling and cooing at each other) or maybe through a more passive form of co-regulation (baby is crying and mom is soothing and remaining calm and regulated).
This same pattern follows us throughout our lifespan. We attune to those around us. We use those closest to us to help us regulate, and they in turn use us to help them regulate.
When experiencing the various stressors and traumas throughout life, it’s co-regulation that helps determine our ability to process those events so they don’t feel “stuck” as many say, or turn into a lasting trauma. Having a person or community to turn to who provides safety, security, support, and a sense of presence and regulation is incredibly important to our overall wellbeing.
Pause for reflection:
What are your biorhythms communicating to the world around you? (consider your posture, breathing patterns, facial expression, tension, etc.)
Who in your life feels grounding to you? What qualities do they possess that allows them to be a person of comfort for you?
Xo
Kayla
