disconnection: origins, symptoms, and what to do about it
I think disconnection is such a fascinating topic. Most people don’t even know they're disconnected…because, well, that’s the whole point of being disconnected; being detached, distanced, and unaware of your reality. What I’ve noticed when working with clients over the years, is that once you begin to learn some of the symptoms of disconnection, it’s like a light bulb of awareness turns on… and then once we start talking about the origins of disconnection, it’s off to the races.
So that’s what I want to offer you here; the origins and symptoms of disconnection along with a few things you can begin doing to reconnect to your mind, body, and the world around you.
Let’s start with the origins. We establish connection from the time we are in our mother’s womb. There’s a very special bond and attunement being formed before you are brought earthside. Once you are born, your infancy and childhood are critical stages for connection, safety, and attachment with your primary caregiver(s). These early stages of life create the framework or blueprint for connection as you move into adolescence and adulthood. As we start to venture out away from our primary caregivers, there are a whole host of other influencing factors that can begin to impact our sense of safety and connection. Here are a few of the main origins of disconnection:
Caregiver misattunement: having a caregiver who was not attuned to the needs of their child. Inappropriate or lack of response when the child is distressed, lack of emotional presence, or viewing the child as having the responsibility of regulating the caregiver’s emotions (this is a major role reversal).
Trauma: witnessing or experiencing trauma such as physical abuse, sexual abuse, sudden loss of a loved one, domestic violence, tragic accidents, natural disasters, etc. Often, the mind + body protects itself by disconnecting from the experience in the moment which introduces a pattern of disconnection throughout the lifespan if left unaddressed.
Chronic stress: When in a state of perpetual stress that’s left unaddressed, the mind + body can seemingly get “stuck” in the fight or flight mechanism. Hormonal shifts begin to take place and neural pathways are disrupted. Many people begin to “check out” from life in an attempt to suppress the stress. It is through this “checking out” that disconnection occurs.
Ignoring body cues: from an early age, we are conditioned to ignore our body cues. If never addressed, this becomes a pattern. Ignoring hunger cues, when you need to use the bathroom, what kind of physical touch feels good or not so good, when your body needs rest, not paying attention to sensations that alert you to danger + so much more.
Now for the signs and symptoms of disconnection. Some of these symptoms might be on a very small scale for you, while others might be glaringly obvious. Feeling disconnected can infiltrate really all aspects of life: your mind, body, spirit, creativity, relationships, work, emotions, etc. Here are a few main categories to get you thinking:
Emotional numbness: you may feel detached from your emotions or unable to experience joy, sadness, or excitement fully, creating a sense of apathy or emptiness.
Body disconnection: you might be out of touch with your physical sensations, ignoring hunger, fatigue, or pain, or feeling dissociated like you’re observing your life rather than living it.
Lack of purpose or motivation: you may struggle to find meaning or motivation in daily activities, feeling lost, directionless, or questioning the point of your actions or goals.
Avoidance or escapism: you may turn to distractions like binge eating, TV, mindlessly scrolling social media, substance use, or other escapist behaviors to avoid confronting deeper emotions or responsibilities.
Suffering relationships: you may feel isolated or disconnected from loved ones, unable to engage meaningfully in conversations, or maintain emotional intimacy, often feeling like an outsider in your own life.
Three things you can do to right now to begin reconnecting:
Place your hand over your heart, or on any other part of your body that feels comforting or neutral. Notice any physical sensations that arise, emotions that come up, or thoughts that drift by. Spend a few minutes if you can, just being in this simple form of connection.
Pause and notice your breath, just as it is right now. What do you notice? Is it quick and shallow? Deep and slow? In your chest or belly? Through your mouth or nose? Cool or warm air? Just simply notice. No need to change anything. Just be present and connected to your breath.
Pause and notice where your body is making contact with the ground or whatever you are seated or lying down on. Notice how this area of your body feels. Do you notice any sensations in this area? Notice how it feels to be held and supported by the surface beneath you. How can you soften and lean into this feeling?
If this resonates and you’re looking for nervous system support, I’d love to connect! Check out The Embodied Method Workbook for a comprehensive and sustainable approach to nervous system care.
Pause for reflection:
Which areas of life are you feeling most disconnected from lately? (work, relationships, emotions, your body, spirituality, creativity, etc.)
What are the benefits/payoffs you are receiving as a result of being disconnected? (e.g., when I'm disconnected from my partner, I get to avoid confrontation and vulnerability)
How can you invite connection into your life each day? Consider small, sustainable shifts you can make that may build over time.
Xo,
Kayla
